On why Autopsy is the greatest band that ever existed

I have been chewing at the new EP “Puncturing the Grotesque” for a few days now and there’s this song “Gas Mask Lust” that just creeps within the folds of your brain. I was stuck in the traffic this morning and just put it on loop, over and over. I started to think about all the “Autopsy – inspired bands” we have in today’s scene and how they just seem to catch just a facet of the multi tentacled and multi eyed beast that is Autopsy. How is that that they always manage to stand head and shoulder above all the rest of the Death Metal underworld, every single time they release a new album?

That made me think a little, and the usual answers started to shower in.

Listening to an Autopsy song is like being in the perfect storm. How is that that their backbone is punk as fuck, the single chords so raw, the vocals messy and out of place, but at the same time you understand that if these guys were not musicians with 40 years of experience they could just not play this shit? The orchestral taste in which screams and solos are arranged are a bit like having GG Allin and the London Symphony Orchestra at the same time in some sort of deranged jigsaw that, ultimately and bafflingly, makes sense in the most disturbing way.

From the underground Death Metal perspective, these guys have been in there forever. They never had the big hype of Death or the worldwide recognition of Morbid Angel, but yet they are one of the proto-everything bands that just started the whole Death Metal concept (and in my opinion they’re still the band that better embodies it). They are the prototypical antonym of “derivative”. They took the ugliest parts of rock, metal and punk and sewed the rotting chunks with images of utter horror and sleaziness without just focusing on literature and movies, but digging deeper into the most nightmarish essence of humankind from the broadest spectrum. They had this vision in a time of primordial chaos when there was none. Autopsy is relentless, untainted and untamed horror in its purest form, that is, in other words, DEATH METAL.

That is basically what makes them so special: Autopsy is the alpha and omega of Death Metal, complete upon itself. They sum up EVERYTHING conceived in this corner of music. It’s like putting your whole collection in a slow juicer to remove all the fluff. I still believe you could have their records and nothing else on your shelf, and that still would be a respectable, flawless DM collection. 

Long Death the Kings.

Netherland Death Fest 2016 Astral Review

Netherland Death fest

The 2016 edition of the NDF might probably have the greatest bill of all time. Autopsy, Blasphemy, Angelcorpse, Morpheus Descends, Magrudergrind (ah ah no, just kidding on this last one) and so on. Stuff to make you sleep like shit at night, especially when you’re not going to attend it. Yeah, a bunch my fave bands ever are (is?) playing in Europe and I am not going for some miserable aspect of my life I don’t want to publicly share here.

Hating myself since my birth however allowed me to channel my energy into the realm of possibilities and make pretending. Since I could no accept it, I will pretend to be there and have fun and share beers with friends while listening to “In The Grip of Winter” live. With the right dose of booze, I can project my astral form and attend the show even if I am not, how cool is that? Wiggle your fingers, Magician Mick!

Trip to Tillburg

I decided to wake up earlier this time and have a long workout in my basement with cardio and some clean and jerks and PR deadlifts before getting a good shower and an healthy breakfast. Positive and full of energy like I am always in the morning* I control once last time the checklist of items to pack in my hand bag. weighing it once more to be certain the airport is not going to create any problems. ID check, money check, credit card check, phone and adapters check, Disma shirts check,

I feed my cat and make sure my neighbor has all the correct instructions to keep her litter clean, her water fresh and her food bowl full to the brim. My brand new*, problem-less* car drives me uneventfully to the airport where I park in the extended-time lot. I take a healhty snack with some carrots and celery* while waiting for the plane to land. At the airport I meet with all the 72 friends that Facebook assured me will be attending to the great event. happy to see you all here, pals*!

Since I am still in good shape when the plane arrives in Tilburg and I have some time left before the sunset I visit the beautiful church os St. Josef not too far from the venue. Built in 1899, the church looks still cool. It still has you know, the towers, the grey stones, everything looks right.

JosefThe Auberge Du Bonheur is as enchanting as I expected. I leave my bag in the hotel room and plan a quick drink with friends. On the way out, probably attracted  by my DISMA shirt these two girls try to hook me up and get me laid. I tell them I have no time for that shit and I am there just for the music. Making the sign of the horns with my right hand while sticking my tougue out like a true metal warrior.

Prerelase party

Kandinsky

Quick ice cream at the Intermezzo and I head to the Kandinsky pub (yes, like the Russian painter, lots of originals hanging at the walls actually!). My feet are sore and the beer is so refreshing at that time of the evening, but what a surprise! I could share a few of these with my friends and the guys in Autopsy that justs dropped by for a last sip before rest. We take some pictures together but I tell them I have to leave because I want to be perfectly in shape for the morn after.  We take one last shot and we have a look at the bands playing tomorrow: lots of grindcore… grindcore… ah yes also Undergang and Vitamin X.

Wait: Vitamin X? Jeez.

Anyway I say hello to Eric, Chris and Danny and I go to sleep.

Stay tuned for the festival proper!